klub46

CyberDating Lie Detecting


Did you know that Online Dating is the top moneymaker on the Web? Chances are good that if you are single, you have joined a site or two yourself. If so, you've probably asked my CyberRomance clients' top question too:

"How can I tell if they are lying?" Lot's of ways! Here goes:

First off, much of "the problem" of Internet lying is media over hype. What kind of interest would there be in a story about all the honest people who are on the Net?

But of course some people do lie, and being concerned about who is and who isn't lying makes a heck of a lot of sense.

Reasons people lie:

  • To avoid conflict.

  • To avoid the consequences of their behavior.

  • To postpone having to make changes in lifestyle.

  • To hide something they did or did not do.

  • To avoid rejection.

  • To be in control of a situation.

  • To avoid being embarrassed.

  • To make themselves appear more successful, good, or talented than they really are.

All make terrific reasons for people to lie online.

How to detect lying:

A truthful person will be "congruent." That means that all the information they give out -- their words, body language, they way they live and dress, everything -- fits together and contains no contradictions. People who lie will be incongruent in some way.

Here's what to watch out for:

1. How they use words: written, on the phone, or in person --

  • Talking faster or slower.

  • Changes in voice pitch.

  • Taking charge of conversation, attempts to distract you.

  • Continual denying of accusations.

  • Unusual voice fluctuations, word choice, sentence structure.

  • Stalling the conversation by repetitive use of pauses and comments like "um" or "you know."

  • Lack of use of contractions.

  • Prefers emphasizing "not" when talking.

  • Being extremely defensive.

  • Saying "Trust me."

2. How they behave or the attitudes they exhibit:

  • Being hesitant.

  • Nervous laughter.

  • Smugness.

  • Uncommon calmness.

  • Providing more information and specifics than is necessary or was asked for.

  • Inconsistencies in what is being shared.

3. In-person behavior clues:

  • Touching chin, covering the mouth, or rubbing brows.

  • Crossed arms or legs.

  • Pupils narrow.

  • Playing with hair.

  • Body language and facial expressions don't match what is being said such as saying "no", but nodding head up and down.

  • Avoidance of eye contact, eyes glancing to the right, staring past you or down, or turning away from you while they are talking.

  • Rigid or fidgeting.

  • Slouching posture.

  • Unnatural or limited arm and hand movements.

  • Partial shrug.

  • Lack of finger pointing.

  • May place a barrier such as a desk or chair in front of self.

  • Sweating, even if it isn't a warm day.

  • Saying "no" several times.

4. Your own inner cues:

  • You sense something is not right.

  • Explanations do not feel enough for you.

  • You feel confused, you find yourself squinting or angling your head.

  • You feel a block or a wall between you and the other.

In Internet dating, or any kind of dating for that matter, keep your anxiety down, your head attached, and LISTEN to everything your date tells you in every way. People tell you about themselves constantly, from the very first second of contact. You have to be willing to hear it. Not only do they tell you by what they do say, they tell you by what they don't say.

Many of these cues can come from simple distraction or nervousness, not deceit. New daters have plenty of reasons to be anxious. Signs of lying differ from one person to another. Don't let your own nervousness force a jump to wrong conclusions. Give your date a break and take some time.

Often, Cyber daters move too quickly to the phone and/or a face to face meeting. Gone is the golden opportunity to safely ask questions and study answers slowly and over time. Vastly increased are tension and anxiety, which complicate clear thinking and judgment.

With online dating, you have a tremendous advantage over meeting immediately flesh-to-flesh: You have a written record of what the other tells you. Make use of it! Take your time and get to know your potential Sweetheart the old-fashioned way -- through writing!

About The Author

Kathryn Lord, Romance Coach
Helping singles find someone wonderful!
eBk: "Find A Sweetheart Soon! Your Love Trip Planner for Women"
4870 Oak Ridge Road, Vicksburg, MS 39183 / Ph. 601-619-0030
Stay current with my complimentary enewsletter *eMAIL to eMATE*

Subscribe at http://find-a-sweetheart.com/newsletter.html

www.Find-A-Sweetheart.com / Kathryn@Find-A-Sweetheart.com


MORE RESOURCES:

TIME

Does Online Dating Make It Harder to Find 'the One'?
TIME
A friend of mine whom I hadn't seen in years told me recently that she, too, met her husband on an Internet dating site. They're happily married, just moved into a new house and are now talking about starting a family. When I asked her if she thought ...
Researchers say dating websites make poor CupidsColumbus Dispatch
Psychologists highlight pitfalls of online datingCNN
Internet Cupids often miss their markReuters
Wall Street Journal (blog) -The Atlantic -Washington Post
all 130 news articles »


Daily Californian

Prevent dating violence in February
Daily Californian
By Anna Johnson February is the commemorative month for Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention. The importance of recognizing and addressing these issues has been highlighted by the recent spattering of high profile domestic violence cases: ...
Cranston Senator Honored for Teen Dating Violence Prevention WorkPatch.com
Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month Kicks OffHuffington Post
"Love What's Real" February's National Teen Dating Violence Awareness ...Sun Valley Online.com
Noozhawk -Boston.com
all 12 news articles »


New Tech Can Track Where You Look On Dating Sites
WebProNews
Dating sites can be a wealth of information for those looking for that special someone. The looking part is being studied by Tobii to determine what men and women spend their time looking at on dating profiles. Tobii in collaboration with their ...
How to Catch Your Valentine's Eye: Online Dating Eye-Tracking Study Reveals ...MarketWatch (press release)
Tobii's Eye-Tracking Tech Knows What You're Eyeing on Dating SitesAll Things Digital

all 8 news articles »


ABC News

Online Dating: Popular and Stigma Is Gone, but Don't Pay for It
ABC News
Ilana Friedman has met some losers using online dating sites -- so many that the New York City singer has created an entire cabaret act around her experiences, called "Kissing Frogs." First there was the 29-year-old her mother found on The JMom.com ...

and more »


RTT News

Kim Kardashian Says She's Not Dating New York Jets Quarterback
RTT News
"Dating rumors are always fun when you don't even know the people [you're] supposedly linked to. Who makes this stuff up?" Kim wrote to her fans and friends. Kardashian famously married and divorced NBA star Kris Humphries last year taking in millions ...
Kris Humphries Single, But Not Ready to MingleTMZ.com
Weekend Rumor Mill: Kim Kardashian Dating Mark Sanchez, Michael Fassbender ...Hollywire
Report: Kim Kardashian Isn't Dating Mark SanchezExtra TV
KBOI -Hollywood Life
all 313 news articles »


Vanessa Hudgens Talks About Dating, Gives Boys Advice On How To Approach Women
Manila Bulletin
By JANET SUSAN NEPALES LOS ANGELES – “Dating in general is tough,” revealed the lovely 23-year-old Fil-Am actress Vanessa Hudgens when we interviewed her. “It's about finding someone with whom you have the same beliefs with and if you have that and ...

and more »


Ninemsn

Zac Efron dating Lily Collins?
NDTV
PTI High School Musical actor Zac Efron is reportedly dating Lily Collins as the pair were spotted sneaking out of a Los Angeles restaurant together. The duo were spotted walking out the backdoor of the STK steakhouse in Los Angeles after enjoying an ...
Zac Efron is dating Phil Collins' hot daughter?Ninemsn
Lily Collins and Zac Efron spark dating rumorsSan Francisco Chronicle (blog)
Is Zac Efron Dating Taylor Lautner's Ex-Girlfriend?Gather Celebs News Channel
MTV UK -CTV.ca
all 91 news articles »


PR Web (press release)

Dating Expert's New Report Reveals How To Flirt With Women
PR Web (press release)
All to frequently, men look at dating as an isolated event. In other words, they are either being themselves or they are flirting and they keep these as two separate parts of their personalities,” says Carlos Xuma in a recent report.

and more »


Consumer officials warn about online dating scams
WRCB-TV
(AP) - State consumer officials are warning about the danger of online dating scammers. They say some fraud artists use online dating as a way to scam people out of their money. Spokesmen say that after a relationship is created, the frauds often ask ...

and more »


Dating Study Reveals That Singletons Spend GBP 3 Billion Per Year Looking For ...
MarketWatch (press release)
Findings by dating website Match.com show that Brits collectively splurge billions of pounds every year trying to find their soul mate. The study revealed that the total number of dates that occur in the UK every year is 37 million, with on average GBP ...

and more »

Google News

home | Clicky Web Analytics Clicky
© 2006